Are you scratching your head at why I chose that title?

I don’t blame you for that. All around us there is chaos. I am not limiting that to what’s happening globally, nationally, or otherwise. Stuff is messy – and without violating any confidences, believe me you don’t want to know some of the messy I know people are going through.

Yes, yours truly among them. I’m fine. My family is fine. Overall we’re doing better than most so don’t get too caught up in that spiral.

I will say, I have cried more this week than I care to admit because I’d have to actually come up with a tally and I do not want to dwell on that more than this. 


How sad would it be if joy left us? I assure you you don’t want to know the answer to that either.

As much as we love her, Joy can slide into the background. We welcome her when she shows up unannounced – but we ignore her more often than not. Why don’t we seek her out more? 

When the proverbial s*** hit the fan in our nation’s capitol this week, I texted some family and friends, to mark the moment in history and just make sure everyone was okay. The violent and disturbing demonstrations extended beyond DC – guillotines in one city, a bomb threat against another government location, the list goes on.

My message ended by saying I was praying for an end to the chaos.

One family member in particular – she knows who she is – remarked that prayer was a thing more than one person she’d been in touch with had turned to for help through this. 

Earlier that day at a funeral mass I’d attended for a family member who left us too soon – a victim of the pandemic and a heartbreaking loss for everyone who knew him even slightly. What a theft of humanity it has all been. Even now I have angry tears welling up when I think about it. 

The priest at the funeral mass categorized prayer and a prayerful life as a way to tap into joy – not just when consumed with grief, but to get through the messy of life. That stuck with me – though it is not a new concept. 

So I am seeking joy, whether through prayer, hiking, yoga, listening to music, looking at old photos, eating half a bag of M&Ms, or acting silly on a park bench – because I have to.